Advantures of The Quarter-Lifer

Delima

2007-08-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

"Michael and his live-in girlfriend Jenna appear to be enjoying the perfect relationship: Jenna is pregnant prior to the opening of the film and her parents are pressuring the pair to get married. Michael, however, claims work pressures and Jenna's dissertation rendered it an inopportune time for marriage. The real reason, unbeknownst to anyone, is that he feels trapped and bored. Although he considers Jenna an ideal companion, Michael is harboring second thoughts.
Upon a chance encounter at a wedding, Michael meets Kim, whom he confides in about his relationship. Kim guesses he is about to breakup with Jenna and becomes flirtatious. While Michael becomes intrigued by Kim's youthfulness, openness, and spirit, he does not succumb to temptation. The two part ways with Kim telling Michael where she attends school and where she usually hangs out.

Michael eventually seeks her out but tells Kim he was in the area only because of a client meeting. Kim senses his interest and, while Michael drives her home, invites him to a party. Michael accepts. Back in the office, Michael constructs an excuse to be away from Jenna on the night of the party. He asks Chris, his friend and co-worker, to cover for him in case Jenna calls. Chris suspects Michael has met another woman and wishes to avoid becoming involved, as Chris himself has just left his wife; he knows first hand how painful a breakup can be. Michael denies the existence of another woman and merely says he will 'be with an old college friend.'
After the party with Kim—which Michael says makes him 'feel ten years younger'—the two kiss several times, preceding Kim inviting Michael to her dorm for the night. Guilt over cheating on Jenna prevails over temptation, however, and he refuses. Unfortunately for Michael, Izzy's father (Izzy is a mutual friend to Michael and Jenna) dies that night. Several friends and acquaintances, including Jenna and Chris, go to Izzy's home with their condolences. There, Jenna realizes Michael had not been, as he claimed, with Chris. Jenna confronts Chris but Chris refuses to answer her questions, which only fuels Jenna's suspicions that Michael has indeed gone astray.

When Michael arrives home that night, Jenna becomes confrontational; Michael at first denies he was out with Kim, but eventually admits he had seen another woman. Although he points out he didn't sleep with her and that the outing meant nothing, Jenna packs up and leaves their apartment to be with her parents.

Alone, depressed, and desperate, Michael receives a call from Kim. Kim apologizes for being demanding earlier and asks him to come over for conversation only. Michael agrees. Upon arrival, the pair immediately engage in sexual intercourse. The next morning, Michael tries sneaking away without waking Kim but accidentally leaves his keys behind. Upon his return, Kim demands to know as to why he hadn't said goodbye. Michael tells her simply that he did not want to wake her, as he had to be at work early.

At work, Michael plans on leaving early to seek out Jenna. On his way out, Kim visits his office unannounced, wanting to give him a mix CD. Michael confides he still loves Jenna who was, in fact, pregnant with his baby. He apologizes to Kim for not telling her about Jenna's pregnancy and leaves her in search of Jenna.

Michael pulls up to Jenna's parents' home, and Jenna's father gives a stern lecture about commitment and adulthood and offers advice on winning Jenna’s forgiveness. The father urges Michael to be completely honest and never stop trying. Equipped with his wisdom, Michael goes into Jenna's room. On the verge of reconciliation, Jenna asks if he had sex with Kim during the party. Michael says no. Then, remembering her father's advice, he confesses he went back later that night. Even though Michael claims he was only being honest, Jenna becomes inconsolable and storms out of the house and back to their apartment.

Michael follows her back and finds himself locked out. He stakes out on the front porch until Jenna agrees to talk. Both day and night, wet and dry, Michael remains at the front door with many neighbors taking notice and some even providing beverages to him. Jenna's father even proceeds to drive by in his car and notices Michael, who sees him. A proud smile develops on his face as he drives off, indicating that Michael has taken his advice seriously. Slowly but surely, she begins to relent, first tossing out a blanket during a cold evening, then dropping off a sandwich the next day. During one evening, Jenna breaks her silence and speaks to Michael through the closed door. She laments about mourning the loss of the relationship like the loss of someone's life. It is unclear how many days it took, but she eventually opens the door and Michael goes inside."

That's the plot taken out of the movie - The Last Kiss. Interestingly enough similar theme manifest itself in lots of areas of our lives, not just in relationships.

So called the slippery slope , or grass is greener syndrome. Knowing something is bad for you or not the best, but we still try to push the line hoping for something...but what is it that we hope for? Is it worth the chase after something and lose everything else?

Encouragements

2007-07-21T22:10:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted. Many have asked me that I should continue writing my thoughts and perhaps what I write will resonate in someone else' life.

This has been a topic that has come up in my life often the last few years. Reading books like "The Alchemist" or "Leaving Microsoft to Change the World" really encourages me to follow my passion and dream, to step out of my comfort zone and to take the risk of chasing something greater than myself. It's not meaningless because God has given you the burning passion in your heart and if you use the gift He has given you to do none sinful things, it glorifies Him. Satan will do whatever it takes to put lies and doubts into Christian's mind to stall them or to make them less effective. There are lot of nay sayers in this world telling you everyday why something cannot be done - heck, even in the Church, you have people telling you why being a Christian you can't do certain things that seem not normal - like, wanting to start your own business, wanting to be impactful to reach out to greater amount of people than just working 9-5 job). I think there are enough things in this world preventing people to reach the potential that God has planned for them. Why not today, be the one who would encourage the people in your circle to take the leap of faith and step out of the comfort zone?

I am not saying that all motivations are right in God's eye. Many times we are driven by false idols like money, status, riches, fame etc. But if after examining your own motive and heart, and you are still convicted and that passion is still burning in your heart, I'd encourage you to pray for God's guidance and believe that He will carry you through.

Just because most people graduate, finds a job and settles to have a family - doesn't mean this is the life for you. If you feel you are not content and feel like God has more for you, don't be passive! Take action! If those people who are content being in a 9-5 job, why not let them enjoy? If you don't feel that way, discover your role in this world.

Encouragements make a huge difference, you would be surprised a little word of encouragement you give to someone today could potentially impact someone's tomorrow, or their influence in other people's lives. Likewise, discouragement could paralyze someone as well!

Where will the road lead...

2005-08-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

...just like every road, it will eventually lead to an eternal nothingness or to the edge of a cliff. It doesn't matter where the road will lead, as much as who you are taking this journey with.

I was reminded again Yesterday that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. We tend to be carried away towards a goal that we overlook the whole journey. Sayings like "stop, and smell the roses" are there to remind us that the people, the time and the method to get to where you want to go, are just as important as the final crossing line, if not, more important.

Have you ever drove to a cottage, and totally missed out the beautiful scenes along the way?

Good-Byes are the Hardest

2005-08-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

Now that I've gone beyond being the Interns whom changes lifesytle every four months, from being working at a company to schooling, "work" has a new meaning. Over the past weekend, many intern friends that I've met at work (some of them I knew from school) has finished their work term here in Seattle, and ready to head back home for more schooling.

It's a complicated feeling seeing them go.

1. I feel like I get along closer to the interns than the full timer friends I have here. Somehow, I still am an Intern myself. Now that they are leaving, I feel like work is going to get lonely and boring. Not that I have no other friends here. If anything I have way more non-intern friends than them. But somehow I feel sad.

2. I envy them that they are still in University, and still can hide under the shelter of school. Envy them that how after 4 months, they can go home and leave work. Not that work is bad or anything, but I welcome changes.

3. I don't like saying good-byes

I wonder what the interns think about me who is no longer an intern. I think to myself when I was their age, I enjoyed finishing a work term. Now I am at a company indefinately. Life hit me faster than I wanted. If there is anything they can take away from me is this...."enjoy where you are, because you'll lose it faster than you think".

Not that I don't like where I am. I love where I am. But I do miss the past.

Heated Conversation

2005-08-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

Screaming on a long distance phone call. How sad.

Realizing over the past two months, just how much things have changed. Promises two people who cared about each other, had broken over and over again. Grounds that were established has been eroded. Walls that severes good communication between the two people has slowly erected brick by brick.

Are there anything from the past that still make sense now? What are some of the descisions we made together in the past, still make sense this day? NONE.

Patience is gone. Tolerence is also out the window. What is there left in my human body that can still sustain this?

Why worry about Tomorrow?

2005-08-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

Why worry about tomorrow, when tomorrow will take care of itself. Today has its own worries already to occupy me.

If tomorrow poses good surprises, then let it be a pleasant surprise. If tomorrow shall be bad, why worry and be miserable today?

I use to worry about tomorrow a lot, and miss out on the today. But a lot of times, by the time I reach tomorrow, things aren't as bad as I originally thought. Then I'd feel dumb because I've wasted out all these time worrying and missing out on things, or not enjoying things yesterday that otherwise I would've totally enjoyed.

I still do that sometimes. But I am more comfortable about not worrying.

Feminists

2005-08-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

I had a quite interesting discovery about myself the past weekend. The discovery itself is interesting however, the result is disturbing to me.

My ex is very feminist. She doesn't like it if you offer to help her lift something, or asking her anything that suggesting she is less capable than a guy. I've began to think like that; girls are very touchy about the way guys treat them, and that they are sensitive to actions of men that will suggest we are looking down on them. I personally think it's very gentlemen like to open doors for girls, and to offer help lifting heavy stuff. But anyhow...

I went to pick up a friend of mine at the airport this weekend. As her luggage comes around, my natural instinct was to go and grab it. Somehow, my mind kicked in and posed the following question: "You sure you want to grab that? You might make her think that you think she is weak". So instead, I asked a stupid question like "Do you need help with that?". Then while waiting for the second luggage, I was thinking to myself...what's up with my thinking? What happened to me?

Argh!!

I've began not to like the person I am today.

Compromise

2005-08-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

If you pick up any relatinoship self-help books; christian or non-christian author doesn't matter. One of the topic is about compromising. Compromising is very important in sustaining the relationship without building a brick wall between the two party over time. However, what are some of the things that can be compromised and what are the things that one should stand firm on?

Well, I would do anything for the person I love. Over time I even have compromised my values. Some of which I used to be proud of, and slowly I let those slip. So long as my loved one is happy, I thought it was ok. But, I learned something the hard way. One's value should NEVER be compromised regardless who the opponent is.

Here is why. What's considered as 'Good' will never change. Regardless how shady the world might get. So, if you hold on to a good value, and someone comes along who might not appreciate that value, makes you think you should compromise. For a while it will be fine, but what if one day, that person realizes or changes themselves for the better, and begin to put importance on that value??

What you get is...that person telling you that they don't like your value because you lack at this and that. But what they don't realize is that, the way you are today, was the result of all of the compromises you've made.

I've definately learned this lesson the hard way.

Long Term vs. Short Term

2005-01-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

It's interesting that someone pointed out to me today about the way I am. I was told that I am very persevering. That got me thinking. It's true. I tend to set my aim, at a job, or at a goal in life, and work very hard towards it. Even sometimes it takes more than one steps to get to that goal, and even though some of the steps don't seem to be directly getting me closer, or even though some of the steps requires lot of hard work, and unpleasant experiences - I never gave up, and continued to drill till I reach my target.

This basically explains why intermediate hardships, or small pleasures don't interest me. I've never given up my final destination for some intermedia pleasure land, or gave up because the hardship was so much to bare.

To me, I know how much pleasure I would receive when I finally reach the final destination, that anything that I encounter during the process becomes minimal. Hardships that I encounter during the process of getting there becomes bareble, and the temptations/perceived happiness that I encounter which makes me want to quit/settle halfway, will only be temporary.

This also is exactly what the bible means, when one has his/her life centred with God, nothing else in this world matters. The worldly pleasures don't mean much no more.

So for those of whom are in the relationship, not having 'sex' before marriage is also bareble, now that think of it. If ultimately, this is the girl whom I want to be with forever, then I can wait. Temporary pleasure will only last now, and not only will it off set our spiritual walk, but will also becomes a distraction. If what we pursue in the end will gave us more, then wouldn't all the intermediate pleasures become minimal? Wouldn't all the hardships become bareble, and have a motives to be stronger?

New Year

2004-12-31T20:59:00.000-08:00

At last, the year 2004 has gone by. So many things have happened in the last 365 days that 2004 will be one of those years that I call the turning points in my life.

Anyone ever felt like there is not at one point, which everything in your life is at where they are suppose to be? just for a moment? Well, it hasn't happened to me yet.

I was prompted with choices and I had to make an important descision recently about my post school full-time career - the starting point of a new life, the non-student life. Well, I should say fortunately, I was offered from three different reknown companies: Deloitte, Telus and Expedia. Shouldn't I be happy? Well, for a moment. Then I think, okay...I've got a desicsion to make. Why so hard?

I think it's so hard because I don't know myself well enough. I don't know what my core value is. I've been trying to wanting to find out what my purpose in life, and what ultimately I should do. So, I did some soul searching, and picked one of the offers. Did I make the right desicsion? No one would know.

*phew* Career desicision is made. Now, one thing that is still hanging. Relationship.

In that department, I am still trying to sort out with this girl. Well, not really my job anymore. She doesn't know what she wants.

This is my question....Will there ever be a time where I can just sit down and say, the world is good. And I call it the 7th day - REST?!?!?

Introduction

2004-11-13T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was 19, the questions like "why am i here?" or "what is my purpose on earth?" or "what is it that i was meant to do, that was most beneficial?"...etc... I've always taken control of my life, I wanted to know what my purposes were, and how I can achieve them sooner, than let them slip away.

As the years went by, now I am 22, another few months I will be graduating from University. Over the past few years, I've had romantic relationships that worked for a while, and ended up in a bust. Or work opportunities that I wanted, but couldn't get. Nothing so far seems substantial, nor I feel content about where I am, or the road that I am going to walk on.

It was easy in earlier years, where everything in life was pretty much connecting the dots. I was covered by the shelter of being called "student". I knew what I needed to do to go to the next dot. If I wanted to go to University, I knew I had to study hard, and take the courses that were required. If I wanted to go to the next grade, I knew I can't fail certain courses. But, now...as the shelter of school is coming thin...the life "dot" have disappeared. Rather, there are so many dots. I don't know what choices I pick will lead me to where I am "suppose" to go. Or rather, where I would like to go, directly or indirectly.

I am sure we've all heard of the term "mid-life crisis", that's for describing people in their 40s with problems like...they look at where they are in life, compared with what their dream was....and times as such, 40s people go out to do things that are deviated from their age etc. But, the term "quarter-life crisis" isn't emphasized so much. Most people have never heard of the term. Quarter-life crisis is experienced by people around 20s and 30s. Symptoms usually seeing as...

- Not sure what to do in life
- Not knowing what choices to make, or if the choice they made really is a good choice
- Seems so powerless about destiny
- Anxiety from leaving the school shelter, and stepping into the real world of responsibilities
- Uncertain about their relationships with friends, family and/or lovers
- Depression

The list can go on, but you get the idea...I had and currently having some of the problems.

When I first experienced these, I thought I was alone. Everyone seems rosie about their life. Not only till I started doing some research, and had deeper conversations with my friends, I noticed many of my friends are also experiencing similar problems. Then I realized, the topic of quarter life crisis isn't emphasized much for the 20s and 30s, and in turn, it is making the problem/issues worse. Leaving the 20s and 30s left in the wild, wandering and feeling alone...

This is the reason why I've started this blog. I wanted to share with whoever is reading this, about my life encounters. Maybe you could relate some to your own life. But just know that, most of the 20s and 30s people experience these problems, and you are not alone.

Although, everyone's growing background and experience is different. So, I don't expect everyone to share the same problems/issues in life around the same age.

I will be posting blogs related to...relationships with friends, family...romantic relationships...career choices...life meanings...faith/religion....social life..

If you have questions, please feel free to flip me an e-mail.